One Sunday in the month of May, I was contemplating if I should attend the Church Service as I had assignments due very soon. Nevertheless, it was the first time that I felt a very strong prompt and calling from God to attend the service, so I did go.
While waiting for service to start, I began thinking and doubting myself that maybe the voice was from my own thought and not from God, but I realised that regardless I would still find peace and joy in worshipping Him.
As Pastor Joshua’s wife, Lilian started sharing about women empowerment, I was in absolute awe as every part of her sermon spoke to me in different ways, particularly when the song ‘You say’ by Lauren Daigle was played as it was one of my favourite songs. It was at that instant when I felt God was speaking to me.
That Sunday opened up the wounds that I did not know I have and were deep in depth. My thoughts have always been my greatest enemy – I do struggle with self-doubt and worthiness. And so often than not, I pick on my flaws. There are many people out there who are better than me in many ways – a better daughter, a better friend – yet am I still worthy of the love from them when I cannot give back nor repay them with the same amount or even more.
I do remember one of the services where Pastor Joshua said ‘God created all of us differently, but equally’. I am constantly reminded of that phrase at times when I could only see the inferiority of myself compared to others.
As I came to know and accepted Christ, I realised that it is ok to be vulnerable even though I still do have my worries and struggles, I am learning how to let go, and turn away from the devils’ voices inside my head and to cast my worries and fears to Him. For a matchstick’s flame is dying out, when other matchsticks come together, it will be light up again, and God does that for me!
Bachelor of Pharmacy
Uni-Generation UQ4 PACE, Hope Church St Lucia