I remember during one student conference in 2015, I suddenly broke down. I cried so hard before the Lord. I know how God has been so real in my life, his handprints are so evident in my life and family but I still felt like I couldn’t hear or feel God. To be honest I wasn’t at my best condition – I would identify myself as a lukewarm Christian. Although I didn’t like the sound of it, the truth was, I am lukewarm. However, somehow feeling dismay, I did not think of giving up although it felt hard. Instead, I made a promise to God, to challenge myself, that I do not want to be lukewarm and I want to get serious with God right at this moment onward. And I will never give up on Him instead I want to be committed, to persevere in this journey, to really give my all to Him no matter what. I finally realized that it wasn’t God’s fault but the major problem was myself, my attitude the whole time. Was I really giving my best to God? Was I really making an effort?
In Ezekiel 36:36-27 it says 26 I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. 27 And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
Ever since I made that promise to get serious with God, things started to change – for the better of course, my walk with God has took a major turn. I would say that was the turning point in my walk with God. He soon opened my eyes to different things that I had to change, I won’t be able to list out all but first and foremost, not being a lukewarm Christian. That was what I had to change – my attitude towards God, my spiritual discipline. God opened my eyes to the different areas that needed to be corrected. And of course, I had to constantly pray and rely on His strength to get it right before Him.
God also revealed to me His heartbeat for His people, how He opened my eyes and soften my stoned heart. When I first joined Hope Church, I was introduced to the church’s focus and that is to – win souls, make disciples and build churches. Although everyone around me kept emphasizing on these three main points, somehow it did not quite resonate in my heart. I just didn’t see the urgency of it. However, holding onto the promise I made before God, wanting to get it right before Him, I went out for outreach whenever I can, to share about who God is. It was evident that God was slowly working within me, renewing my mindset, renewing my heart. It soon became a desire of wanting to share to people about what I believe in and how God has been so real in my life. Since then whenever people talk about salvations or show videos about mission trip, there will be a burden in my heart.
There are a lot more things that God has opened my eyes to and helped me realized however at the end of the day my point is, through it all if you are willing to change whatever needs to be change – be it attitude or priorities and take the effort to draw closer to God, and be faithful to God, God will never forsake you for He is our good and faithful Father. God will slowly reveal to you His heartbeat, bit by bit, and what He wants to do with you. I really thank God for helping me see what I have to change in order to be more Christ-like like Him. It truly is amazing how God is transforming me from the inside out, how He is working with my heart, opening my eyes to the things I’ve never seen before, constantly challenging me yet never failing to walk with me throughout this whole journey.