Through the previous season, I had moved from living in surrender to living in strive with the misguided idea that I was still in a position of submission to God. God revealed this to be an issue from the root of insecurity I had in my value when I felt less important when I was lonely and had no one to talk to.
This insecure heart was not ideal when I was pursuing a relationship with a sister in Christ as I thought I was doing things in an honouring way but in reality, I could have done better. Fortunately, this sister was wise enough to reject me as it was obvious I was not acting out my desire for God’s ways but instead out of fear and insecurity in myself – this finally made me wake up my idea. Hurt and seemingly alone, for a moment I considered leaving everything and returning to old and sinful ways – but The Lord is graceful and drew me to seek Him even more instead; to place my value in Him rather than in my relationships.
Through much prayer, The Holy Spirit revealed the hurts and ungodly beliefs I had from a past relationship that made me think that my value was correlated with how much I am wanted by others. This caused me to act in my own independence and separated my actions from the ways of God. I knew I had to give these things to God and rid my being of them.
First, He showed me His Love; He showed me that Jesus died that because He believes in me and knows I can live my best life to the full purpose He has for me without the hindrances of the consequences of sin. Knowing that He was on my side and that this relationship was more than transactional where He gives us freedom and we give Him worship in return brought me to another level in this relationship with Him.
Then He showed me identity; through worship, waiting in the secret place, and spoken Word through others, God was gradually ‘revealing the layers to my soul’. He revealed the good that He had placed in me and His character as the perfect Father. With identity finally came purpose as well. After years of fearing to know and seek for my purpose, God has been revealing and reinforcing it through prophecy and scripture to myself and others around me. Moving forward, I know there is growth in identity and purpose as He reveals more to me. As a response to that, I can only commit to doing my best in obedience and availability to His ways and the things of His kingdom. It is the realisation of the truth that we are all children of Jesus which can set us free from such insecurity and into the purposes God has for us.
Jeremiah 17:7 But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.
Bachelor of Exercise and Nutrition Sciences