Growing up as the only child wasn’t easy. My parents were not around most of the time. I am usually in isolation and struggled to interact with people due to shyness. I faced a lot of rejection and slowly believing that I was meant to be alone – not loved and unworthy of it. I kept to myself what I felt and thought about myself and as time passed, I believed, accepted and embraced these thoughts.
My search for acceptance and love began as I started living a performance driven life and a “people pleaser” – everything I did or say was to please someone. I began making compromises with to win friends over, so I started watching a lot of movies, TV and eventually even things that I wasn’t meant to watch in the first place. All of these were to fill the void in my life – lack of love and attention. Ultimately, it led to disappointment after disappointment. I still felt incomplete, unloved, unworthy and unaccepted. That’s when I hit rock bottom. I wasn’t able to keep up with the performance driven life and pleasing people. The disappointment was overwhelming.
At that very point in my life, I felt God’s love chased me down. A head knowledge of “God Loves you” became a “God Loves You” that was so real and abundant. Every week when I went to church, God speaks to me so clearly through the message – like it was just for me. Even during praise and worship, His presence was so tangible. I was constantly reaffirmed of His love as if I was being showered in it. It was then that I realized I was never alone and all this while there is someone who loves me deeply despite all I thought of myself.
I started seeking God more and witnessed Him transforming my life. Relationships were restored and PIECE BY PIECE He put me back together through His word, prayer and His people. My relationship with my parents started improving and I was able to open up more. In my thoughts and emotions, I was no longer pessimistic. Today I live knowing that I’m loved and not alone.
One thing I’ve learned is that God loves us. There’s a quote that says “Like because, Love despite”. The bible doesn’t say God likes you, It says God loves you. He loves you despite of _______________. I’m not perfect, I still struggle at times but I know God will take care of me.
In Matthew 6:26 it says, Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
If God sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross for me and you. Are you not valuable in His eyes?
Benjamin Goh Voon Kean
Student, Bachelor of Biomedical Science