For the longest time, I knew that I was inadequate, and this I was guaranteed by the names I was called by loved ones; dumb, slow, lazy, bad, angry, and wicked, to mention just a few. My earliest memory was one of me hiding from everyone because I felt so sad, so different, so inadequate for the first 12 years of my life and God was just a religion to me, a distant phenomenon and sometimes even fairytale.
Then something changed, one evening I just knew I had enough. I decided it was no longer okay for me to be depressed, so feeling defeated by life, and consumed by my pain. I laid my pain before a God I did not know or believe in, and cried one thing only, “If there is a God out there, reveal yourself to me, take this burden away.” A few weeks later, God sent word to me through my mother’s pastor, affirming His identity, love, and plans for me with words that He could only know because He was there when I prayed and listened to me. That was enough for me, a God who chose me, loves, respects, cares, and accepts me, this was the beginning of my relationship with God, and over time He advanced from God to father and father to my friend.
The next 11 years consisted of me pushing Him away, struggling to live in the reality of my new-found peace and love, how could it be that a God so kind, so perfect would choose me to love? Seasons after seasons, rebelliousness, testing His faithfulness and love, and just like He first did, He never stopped reminding me of His identity and love for me. When I could not see, He sang it to me. When I could not hear, He showed me through others, and with time it became clear that I had a faithful friend, one that was stuck to my side. It is as if He dipped His hand into the blood of Christ and laid it on my heart and left an imprint there, one that represents my identity – His child – one that is the reason why I love Him and cannot live without Him.
So, as seasons burdened with fear, doubt, sadness and hurt come my way, so do breakthroughs of greater measures of His love and peace, He is the hand that would never let go no matter how far away I wandered, the eyes that would look on me with the greatest love even in my lowest moments and the miracle worker.
He renews my identity daily, from hurt to healed, from inadequate to sufficient, and He calls me His beloved and the redeemed.
John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”
Student of Communication for Social Change
Uni-Generation UQ2, Hope Church St Lucia